i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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