He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
