drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
organizing the empties. That sober.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
