I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize