Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
