I feel like I'm in dance class right now
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
