come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Randomize
