Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
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