So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
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