I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
