My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
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