Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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