you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
