I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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