I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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