I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Randomize
