I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
