it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize