you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
