You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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