She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
