sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
