woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
