This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
