i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Randomize
