I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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