I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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