Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
cat food counts as protein by the way
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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