The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
