New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Randomize
