I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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