I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
It's like God shit irony all over that family
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
