this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
operation have a gay friend backfired
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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