Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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