so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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