I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
