just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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