May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
There r osticjed everywhere
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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