I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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