I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
