You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Randomize
