I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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