the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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