Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
