I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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