Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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