hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
