I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
