I wish you could order shots online.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
