Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
