So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
