dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Randomize