I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
