The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Why are your pants in the freezer?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
