Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Randomize
