im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
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