You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
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