Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
So drunk its hurt
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Randomize
