I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
