I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
