hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
