Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I have post one night stand depression
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