i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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