i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
