Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
