Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize