Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
