i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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