You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
