I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
