i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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