I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Randomize
